This life

This life

I don’t know how meditation and thoughtless awareness have changed me. There have been no medical cures or swerving life changes. I have not been reborn with a reinvented personality. This much is for sure.

Change that counts is much more subtle. It is not measured by body temperature or symptoms of sickness. It is the suggestion of improvement that has meaning – a shadow that is not so grim, an attitude that is not so dark. Optimism slowly replaces fear.

Some of this, no doubt, comes with age. With the passing

The question is what has meditation given me? How am I different from the me that might have been?

Today I am more secure.

I know who I am and it is not my ego, my career, my name or nationality or social status.

I believe in myself. But, more importantly, I believe in others.

I have more faith in the present and fewer dreams about the future. The past is there to educate, not to serve up regret or disappointment.

I have trust in a power that is greater than me, but it is a power of which I am a part. I do not depend solely on my own skills and abilities.

As I live, I know I am watching a play. I know I am an actor in that play and that my reading of the role affects the other players. I know I am well cast.

I know that the word “play” means fun.

I know that many things that I feel – dark emotions, aging pains and creeping dissatisfactions – are not a part of me.

Satisfaction is my companion.

When I don’t understand, I know I can surrender.

I know I am loved. I know I can love. I know that love underlies everything.

I know that joy does not go away like the sunshine behind a rain cloud. I know that the blessings are always around me, even in the smallest of things. If I am not collecting these showering joys, it may be that I am simply holding the bucket upside down.

I know how to correct myself.

I know that a “to do” list is just my idea of how things should go. I have come to value spontaneity as much as creativity. My imagination is not limited by my brain.

In all this, what has meditation given me?

It has given me a gentle, all-embracing security. And for that, I am happy.

Richard Payment is a film librarian at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver Canada. He is also the editor of The Divine Cool Breeze magazine. He has enjoyed the benefits of Sahaja Yoga for 28 years. Richpay

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7 comment(s) so far, want to say something now?

  • CL Patel
    Apr 11, 2010
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    We do not know how we grow. But we grow is definite. Perhaps it is beyond our mind or thoughts. It is all automatic, natural or spontaneous. I have been cured from incurable diseases and alright now but i can not describe how it has been done within me I have only felt the inner happenings.The Love is so tender that it does not even slightly hurt us. We become fearless and peaceful.



  • ene gabriel
    Apr 11, 2010
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    Thank you for the article! One thing i learn in the meditative proces ,that we are not here to correct others but to inprove our introspective ability and express our love .(please forgive my english)



  • GopalC
    Apr 11, 2010
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    Great stuff Richard. You have aptly summmarised the impact of meditation/sadhna. Often people look for hard evidence without realising the experience of true yogi. Having been on the path of yoga and meditation I can relate exactly to what you have mentioned. Thanks for making it simple. Warm regards, Gopal



  • jd
    Apr 11, 2010
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    Really well put! I read this and it made me feel really warm inside with a big smile. Thanks!



  • Anabela
    Apr 16, 2010
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    Very open heart!
    For so long, i felt… i believe others… because i believe myself first and through this believe many unusual stories have happened to me. Stories that today is myth and only inside i know that it was real and is only real because felt truth, Love. Today i regret with the same intensity as i love. Feel that mistakes is not there to feel regret… just to go ahead with deeper understanding of what we are surrounded, but i regret that i have done mistakes and for sure with the passing and education i would not do the same, i would have done different way and surrender my pain, that is not abstract … but do as we wish-feel!



  • axinia
    Apr 22, 2010
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    Richard, what a wonderful self-observation and analysis!
    It is always hard to estimate the spiritual growth (if possible at all?)…this is brilliant attempt.

    I like you highlighting the point that some things come with aging. That is very true. Except for our spiritual experiences we also have the mundane life experiences that teach us a lot…

    But all in all, the security and soul comfort one has in life – that is a definitely a spiritual achievement, compered to the insecure and mad modern living…

    thank you!



  • Ankur
    Apr 28, 2010
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    I like the bit about believing in the present more, and less in the future. =)

    Btw, why can’t we copy&paste text from the article?



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